My healing journey began long before I knew that’s what it was. I did not know what I was looking for, or even what was wrong - it just FELT wrong. I always felt like I was being punished, but for what? Like, what could I have possibly done to feel so wrong, that I deserved the pain, that the judgment felt “earned,” that feeling good just didn’t feel natural.

Even now I remember one of my first ever therapists. Sweet old lady - completely blind - and she wrote me a note I still have: love your fat. She even put it in Braille. I am not sure I caught the bigger message that she and many others have been showing me how to embody since then, my 12 year old self could not imagine loving a fat body.

I am pretty sure that I had NO idea what manifesting was when I was 14. I did tell my mom that I was going to “go to work for a .com and make a bunch of money” which makes sense. Both of my parents (separately by then) were their own boss, and I saw how much that sucked: never having health insurance, a 401k or even paid sick time. I know that isn’t everyone’s experience, but I saw them both struggling and decided a paycheck was the way for me. I could see myself in a clean apartment, driving a car whenever I wanted, and the budget to freely purchase whatever I wanted or needed. To me, that was the goal.

It All Begins Here